Eyes of Heaven

It was a summer’s day,

When I saw you in your flowering beauty,

I wondered!

Whether the dress adorned you or you adorned the dress?

I wished I could say something,

Could greet you, could praise you,

All I could do was,

To watch you silently and in awe,

I hope these lines would convey all I wanted to say,

The depth, the intensity, the passion and the vastness

Of that love,

Which resides in my heart and

Waiting for your touch to seal it and join for eternity,

A bond- where none of us would possess each other,

But would intertwine each other,

To explore in depth and drink from the source of creation,

We shall not let anything worldly to sully this union,

A union made out of concoction of,

No expectation, no judgment, no guilt and no shame,

We shall thus,

Set each other free,

Carrying that sacred love inside,

We shall watch and care for each other,

Through eyes of heaven!

Touch

You have touched me,

How did it happen?

Seems that our meeting was preordained,

We had to meet,

To liberate each other.

We were drawn to our own destruction,

Which was death of past with its toxicities,

We had to kindle each other’s spark,

To light this fire,

Of unwavering passion

We burned together,

There was indescribable joy in that immolation,

Words had lost its meanings,

There were only our collective moans,

Cause that’s what could be said at all

Your mere presence shook me,

And you were shaken too,

We were transported to a different plane,

It was our divine upliftment,

To a beautiful new world

A world created by you & me,

Without judging,

We reinvented each other,

To break free from the shackles of,

Social approval & morality,

This is a special gift,

That we have given to each other,

I cherish it, I cherish you,

Your existence is proof of,

Any goodness that is there in this world

It's a responsibility,

To preserve this gift of our bond,

I shall be vulnerable yet patient,

To explore this endless treasure,

Which you get when you lose yourself

Sensuous Current

Don't you see a fellow bystander there?

Enveloped by the smoky silence,

Engulfed by the sensuous currents,

Of your hazy cold presence,

Creating waves of heat and light within,

She hesitates to open herself,

Afraid!

That the mighty, stormy wind outside,

Carrying with it the baggage of tradition and morality,

Might sweep,

And leave her stranded deep in tide,

But if you see in that little cottage,

Situated in the corner of her heart,

You would find solace there and,

An equal zeal to burn,

In the fire of passion

A passion to burn together,

By igniting each other's fire,

And quenching it and fueling it again,

Till both are consumed in that fire,

Crying, laughing, living and dying,

To be born again

Quest

In the quest to find you,

I have travelled far and wide,

And searched within,

Unpacking my doubts, facing my insecurities,

Have questioned myself again and again,

Do I deserve you?

I was unsure of this intensity,

Was it love or mere infatuation?

I was unsure of this pain even,

Were these pangs of love?

Or mere chemical interplay of hormones?

Confident of my worth,

Reassured of my feelings,

I marched ahead with you as my goal,

Could you not see?

That hidden love tucked in my heart,

Gleaming transparently through my eyes?

I feel tired now,

With no end in sight,

Weary of this journey,

I wonder,

Whether this is a road of perdition,

Or road to self - discovery?

Loneliness

It is sometimes difficult to experience the feelings which crop up inside. You don’t even recognize what is curling within your heart. How can it be expressed then? It must nevertheless be said; if not to others, then to oneself.

It’s been going on for many years. They would meet occasionally over a cup of coffee or for a theatre show. They would look at each other and talk, exploring their own certainties about each other.

‘What do you plan to do then?’  He asked

‘I haven’t thought about it. Just that it’s not great. I am doing it as a stop gap arrangement to accomplish something tangible.’ She told about her new job which was about setting up the entire retail infrastructure of a fashion brand

‘You are nowhere satisfied. Earlier you had problem with your advisory job that it was all airy stuff discordant with reality. Now, you are in thick of the action and still you crib’.

It was disconcerting to hear that. He always did it. If she looked at him, he was probably doing worse than her. His credentials could nowhere match that of hers. But the way he presented it, his failures also sounded as if those were part of his bigger game plan.

Is she too straightforward and honest? Can everything be dubbed as success or failure by awarding marks between 1 and 100? Anything comes at a cost. You don’t get your perfect world anywhere. What’s wrong to feel bad about something which is not right for you? Isn’t it proper to aspire for the state where you are free to be fully creative?

‘I might try my hands at entrepreneurship. I am thinking strongly about it’ she uttered

They were sitting outside a small restaurant beside a highway. Let’s order something- she suggested and got up to place order.

What would you take?  

‘Nothing’

‘Are you sure? – she asked’

He half smiled, nodded in negative and watched her getting up.She went inside the restaurant to the counter and placed the order. 

He smiled wryly and tilting his head to left as if to gain a posture of higher expertise and asked  – ‘What exactly do you plan to do? Have you made a business plan?’

‘To be frank – No! Some potential ideas are there but each has its own risks, resource requirements and returns’. She went on describing couple of ideas, their merits, her vision and her apprehensions about being able to gather enough resources. He was still ensconced in that posture and was piercingly looking at her- probably to see her burst her own balloon of plans.

Why she used to do that? It always appeared as if she was explaining and defending herself. Was she too risk averse? Was she too self critical? Was she always trying to prove herself to him?

It was difficult to analyze these things howsoever self critical she tried to be. She nevertheless pondered over their meeting; what he said, how he said, how he reacted? She reflected on her short comings. She had gained weight. She needed to work on her wardrobe. She had to become more assertive; probably more flamboyant like those other girls. How those girls acted which made guys turn and give another look to them? Was it their physical beauty, inner glow or some psychological charm- trick they played?

He had a change of mind. He too wished to have a cup of coffee and ordered it. 

There was an awkward silence. She poured one sachet of brown sugar into her coffee and stirred it without looking at him. She was kind of alone even when sitting here with him. She felt the warmth of the cup by holding it from the sides and took one sip. It sent a fresh wave of energy to her presence.

‘Yes, it’s not easy’, she said self reflectively. She wanted to ask what had been going on in his life. He had started an e-commerce company with few friends. Did he have a long term plan or was he floating on the wave of herd behaviour.    

‘So how is it going with you? When are you launching it?

‘We are working on the supply chain and have recruited some developers for the website. In next 3 months we should go live.’ He said it in his usual confident manner but deep within- it lacked conviction. She could sense it in the air around them. However, his nonchalant way of expression shut her up.

In midst of all this conversation, she was scanning for that click, that comfort and the chemistry to strike. There was tension but it lacked the spark.

They had finished their coffee. She felt as if he had been gazing at her. She too looked him into the eye, to explore something intense.

She was intrigued. She wanted to be sure of them; him and her. Every meeting was supposed to somehow nudge them towards a destination. It however, turned out to be a random wandering.

How have you come? Shall I drop you? He asked

‘No, thanks! I have parked my car in the basement.’ She smiled at him. He flashed a smile too. They bid good bye to each other. It could’ve been warmer.

She started her car, paid the money to the parking guy and drove out. The radio was on. There was a song by lataji ‘agar mujhse mohabbat hai, mujhe sab apne gham de do ..’. She raised the volume. The traffic was orderly and smooth.

Suddenly there was intense build up of feelings and tears started rolling down her cheek. The moving car, the passing vehicles, the standing trees - everything was flowing with that music.

She said to herself – ‘Loneliness is just a feeling’.

A Peek Through Window

He was gazing at the dilapidated building across the flyover through his 5^th floor window. Perhaps decades ago, this would’ve been the bustling Haweli; now in shambles. Among the quietness of its symmetrical piers and the aloofness of its structure; he tried to picture herself with him. How would she look in a traditional Indian dress?  

Jai walked frenetically into his room disturbing his reverie. He asked for his laptop and without looking at him logged himself into Facebook.

What happened to your lappy? And don’t you see I am working?

My lappy is hung and you need a break – ‘Jai’ retorted satirically.

He saw him liking pics, updates and quotes without even reading those. Yaar ye kya? Bina padhe hi tu like mare ja raha hai?

‘Bhai! Saare updates bandiyon ke hain; samajh me aaye, na aaye, achhi ho ya bakwas- Like marna padta hai. Aise hi nahin pat jatin bandiyan’ – Jai said

Hmmm! So this is the secret of your array of female friends? He sighed and just watched ‘Jai’ do all those stuff deftly. He wondered whether he would ever be able to pull this off with such aplomb.

‘Quit playin games with my heart’ ringtone… ..  ‘Heyyyy, Hie- How d’ya?’ putting on his ‘hands free’ Jai walked out of the room.

He was bit startled by Jai’s Dhamaka entry. Jai was his colleague in his engineering company. They used to share the apartment. Despite his occasional rashness, ‘Jai’ was a nice person and a buddy. He went to the window of his room and looked outside. Among the mass of traffic on the flyover, bikes were moving - Guys with their girls. The envelope of excitement and fun in their movement struck him. He imagined himself riding that bike and ‘Anjali’ sitting behind. Was it possible? Could this ever happen?

Only if there was a formula - dating morphed into a complex mathematical equation. He would’ve dived deep to solve it. But how to pierce through her heart - how even to approach this problem called girls.

Jai told him – Beedu!’ Unless you go and talk to girls, flirt with them,  Aasman se nahee tapkegi GF.

Not that he didn’t try but he was shy and added to that his fumbling approach did the disaster. Try to karta hoon yaar, but aise kisi se kya baat karne lagoon? I go and say ‘Hi’ to them with genuine smile. They sometimes ignore; sometimes respond with ‘Hi’ and then it peters out. Koi context to hona chahiye na baat karne ko.

You have to create the context dude! Why don’t you introduce yourself and tell them that you are from IIT? Intelligence is a big turn on for girls. They would fall for it – ‘Jai’ suggested.

How simple was it for ‘Jai’and his ilk? Where did they learn all of that?

Only if there were electives in IIT called love 101. He would’ve taken all the electives in that series. At least these courses were something having direct application in real life. And of course, one could totally relate to it.   

Yaar!!! (He said with slight pain in his voice) – This is not something to be bandied about. I cannot wear it on my sleeve.  

Bhai! Rehne de, tere se na hogi; Just keep on living in your idealistic ivory tower- ‘Jai’said irritatingly.

Was he rigid, idealistic, cut off from the zeitgeist? Or it was something else?

The fact is that IIT trains you in a craft, to be able to identify and solve the most difficult problems in that field. But that’s one part of life. Life is big – like ocean, with many dimensions. How can mastery in one dimension prepare you to sail through it? Each dimension, personal/professional, is to be tackled separately. One cannot make up for another.

It’s not about idealism dude. 

Jai –To fir kya hai? It’s your values, philosophy, fundah blah blah…

Bas mujhe odd lagta hai. I am from IIT – This has something to do with my professional life as a signaling factor in the job market. But, what it has to do with my dating life?  

Jai – The same thing which Swiss bank account has to do with black money or Taliban with world peace or 100 Cr film with good cinema . It’s pointless to argue with you. I am going for my guitar classes.       

He felt exhausted and dejected. It is better to go and take a stroll outside- he thought.

He got down and moved towards the little park outside. A child was carrying his little sister around in the pram while his mom talked on the phone. Some senior citizens were sitting discussing the politics of the day. A labor was resting after morning’s hard work. There was a swirling silence amidst the chitter chatter. It seemed that an Umbrella of light and warmth had been spread over the green lawns.

He looked at the marigold flowers glowing in the afternoon sun. He saw Anjali’s face in it – Her falling hair, her sweet dress and her pose. Tears came to his eyes. What was it? Why was he so helpless? He had come out into the open to run away from this coiled pain. And here it was – embedded into all the freshness around.

He felt the cool November wind swift through his body. He wanted to throw himself away – with the wind, into the light where she was hidden.

Faith

When you wish,

To reach a state,

To get something,

And to be somebody.

Considering your desire is just and natural,

You make an effort.

What if you are not lucky?

Not that luck by itself endows something,

But you fail- Even if you try,

And try sincerely.

You feel frustrated,

Not so much by dauntiness of the task in hand,

But by your own incapacity,

To orchestrate the result.

In those trying times,

Motivating yourself,

Regaining lost strength,

You rear your head,

Determined to be pushing and moving ahead.

In those circumstances,

You get guided by your beliefs,

Certain principles of life,

Which you deem dear and true.

What if your beliefs are belied,

And you still don’t succeed,

You fail again,

And don’t know,

What to do now?

Where to go?

You have reached limit then,

Angry and frustrated,

And most of all- Deeply hurt,

With yourself,

And with quirkiness of truth.

You are then unable to move,

And you get ripped apart,

When you think of the inverted logic,

The plain unjustness and bizarre ways of the visible world.

At that point my friend,

When you are about to sink in the ocean of difficulties,

There is a ray of light,

Which you see,

When you loose everything and surrender.

It brings with it a renewed spirit,

And inexhaustible energy to go ahead,

To try and to act,

For the sheer pleasure of it all.

That light,

That inexplicable motivation,

That indescribable feeling is,

What we call ‘Faith’.

Spring

Spring passes by me,

Glowing its light,

Spreading its aroma,

But the sight of you,

Smiling freshly and charmingly,

Brightens the light of the spring,

And scents its aroma!

Presence

Presence is a state of being,

The energy it brings,

The dazzle it creates,

& the transformation of the ambience it engenders

When you appear from nowhere,

The shine of your being,

Your smile,

The swiftness of your movement,

Brings a quality in the air,

& infuses a fresh breath into life

The way you dance,

Its shyness & intensity,

The gyration and the angle of your body,

Conveys a statement of style

Your voice,

Its throw & clarity,

Its sweetness & melody,

Invites & enthralls

The flowering of your smile,

Supported by lined white teeth,

Enveloped by luscious lips,

Gives birth to a new moment of joy

In your sadness & in your mirth,

In your complaint & in your applause,

In your insistence & in your yielding,

You appear the same - Strong, soft, energetic &,

Lovingly beautiful!

What if you said sorry

What if you said sorry?

The days would still be burning,
Heat in the sun, dryness in the air,

The sky would still be as vast,

The nights still dark,
Long and lonely,
But that’s not the point.

What if you said sorry?

The tasks would still be as mundane,
Dreary and devoid of purpose,
‘Those’ people would still be as ruthless,
Opportunistic and manipulative,
But that’s not the point.

What if you said sorry? 

The life would still be a challenge,
Broken dreams and yet full of expectations,
The unknown pain-Of what, for what?
Remaining an elusive search.

What if you said sorry?

I would still long those moments,
Which would’ve been,
The teasing and inviting smile of yours,
The longing comfort of your bosom,
Melting away all worries,
Of present and future.

If you said sorry,

The world would still remain the same, 

But not for me,
Things would appear for a purpose,
All designed perfectly to be in order.

If and only if you said sorry,

This indescribable anguish, the pinch,
This directionless hurt and complaint,
Which is just there,
Would go,
And you would appear,
Even more beautiful to me.

If you said sorry,

I wouldn’t hear anything - Your repentance, my vengeance,
It would tell me, 
That you are, and you care,
There would be tears in my eyes -Looking intensely into yours,
And it would tell you,
You don’t know how much I……?
That we are here,
To be together,To love,
And live happily ever.

I am a girl

The real perception is to look at the whole,
Would the garden be as wholesome,
If all the flowers were of the same color?
And would it even be worth looking,
If those were not allowed to flower in their gay abandon?
Tell me!
Would it be a rainbow but only for all the colors?

And when it has rained,
And the thirst of scorching earth has been quenched,
Standing on the drenched earth,
Swelling its contented scent,
Watch the picture,
Which all colors,
Together in their playful intercourse,
Paint on the horizon.

It requires patience of mind and fullness of heart,
To look at the sensuousness, cuteness and charm
Of the things of beauty.

I am not that body part,
I am not even the sum of the body parts,
See! It is the individual in that skeleton,
Who fills it with a life.

I am a sentient being, just like you!
With those same frailties and strengths,
Those same desires and passions.

I also want to explore the world,
To know myself, my own body
And you!

Let me blossom and bloom,
I am a girl,
Don’t scare me,
Talk to me and understand,
I want to walk with you.

I Wish

I wish I didn’t wish so much,
To be is to wish,
To wish is to be expectant,
And,
When expectations are easily realized?

I think if wishes were horses,
They could run afar and,
Fetch us the things desired,
But then, this also is a wish!

How difficult it is not to wish,
To wish is to be driven - to be moving and successful,
It is fear of stagnation - of being left behind,
Which makes us wish,
Not to wish is frightening - it isolates you.

There are hindrances aplenty in fulfillment of the wishes,
Yet, how vicious is the working of the wish,
That we still wish!

The Journey

The goal in sight,
I was moving steadfastly,
oblivious of the immensity & light of beauty around,
Many a trips undertaken, the time gone by,
Now I realize,
The journey itself was the destination.

Nature

Innocently glowing, valiantly beautiful,
The flower is standing graciously alone,
If it could, it would,
Like to adorn a damsel’s hairs,
If the strength and tenderness of its petals is not seen,
What can it do?
It can only let its fragrance blow,
Because its nature is to bloom and glow

The vast expanding hills,
Carrying yellow sunflower fields in its lap,
If it could, it would,
Like to be explored and played upon,
If the raw beauty of its big boulders and scattered trees is not seen,
What can it do?
It can only be sturdy and vast,
Because its nature is to stand stout and tall

The openness of sky, the warmth of sun,
The isolation of broken walls and naturalness of the fields,
Invites and kindles the fire of unquenched love,
If it could, it would,
Like to silent that thirst forever,
If it doesn’t find a union,
What can it do?
It can only remain mute and beseech,
Because its nature is to yearn for total freedom and release

True Soldier

Running indefatigably, toiling hard
Knocking obstacles, marching ahead
One more victory, countless others won
Yet the smile of success eludes you
What’s the matter Soldier, my dear pal?

Not knowing day from night,
Ever looking ahead to grab one more fight
Occupied with nothing else but war
Strategizing, manipulating, doing everything to reach the top
Yet the glow of contentment seems miles apart,
What’s the matter Soldier, my dear pal?

Dear ones have waited patiently
For you to bring security, love and goodies to feast on,
You promised to get all these,
Yet that day never comes, as the time goes on,
What’s the matter Soldier, my dear pal?

Is it that you forgot to look at the little flower, shining in all its colors?
And cared not to wet your feet in the cool currents of the singing stream?
Is it that you ignored the milestones and didn’t rest in the knowledge that,
How far have you arrived overcoming all the odds?
Is it that the lure of distant peak, made you blind,
To the sparkling light dancing in your backyard?
Is it that you are afraid to let yourself loose?
And cry over the wonders of beauty, for its innocence, simplicity and charm?

You need not reply, just pause and ponder
I am with you, as I have always been
Listen to me and get that lost meaning,
To go ahead and fight afresh,
Just for the sheer pleasure of it all,
Rise now and become a true hero,
You are a soldier after all!

Review of Girish Karnad's Play "Bikhare Bimb"

This is a very famous play written and directed by Girish Karnad originally in Kannada version as ‘Odakalu Bimba’ and later translated in Hindi as ‘Bikhare Bimb” and in English as ‘Broken Images’. This is a solo actor play and the Hindi version was enacted by Arundhati Nag. This is my impression of the 50th show of 'Bikhare bimb' at Rangashankara on 18-04-2010;

Theme: The play delves into deeper issues of identity crisis of an artist, the reality and fiction element in the creation, the genuineness of the art, the conflict between depicting the common life around the artist in all its colours and the pull to craft the art so as to serve the global audiences.

Script: The script has been translated from the original Kannada version. The translation in Hindi is done aptly. The Hindi used in the translation comes closer to literary form and is in keeping with the style and seriousness of the play. The script has also been given contemporary feel by giving the characters the modern occupations and portraying its changing patterns and demands.

Stage design: The stage was designed in a simple manner. Only the necessary items giving an impression of a TV recording room were there. The TV set displaying the inner self of the protagonist (Manjula Nayak) was placed in a side so that the centre of the stage could be occupied by the protagonist and her movements.

Acting: This is a solo actor play though the script has many characters in it. Well, needless to say that Arundhati Nag, as the protagonist ‘Manjula Nayak’, does full justice to the character. She feels confident in the role and brings out emotions, conflict, fear and frustration nicely. In fact, she plays out the vacuum in Manjula’s married life in a very nuanced and natural manner. However, (though this is a very minor error but just pointing it out for the sake of perfection), she doesn't pronounce the hindi word "Srijansheelta" correctly. She pronounces the letter "Ree" as "Ru".

During the dialogue with her inner self, the protagonist’s inner self forces her to get in touch with her psychological self -to see the boredom in her routine life, to honestly probe her prejudices and shortcomings. It also makes her look at her marriage through a different lens -to discover the issues of trust, understanding and physical chemistry in more subtle manner.

It is challenging to touch such varied and complex issues, let alone dissect and discuss it. Nevertheless, the play accomplishes this feet by maintaining its rhythm through tight script, apt language, sensitive portrayal by the actor (Arundhati Nag) and through close coordination of lighting and televised recording.

Exhaustion

How many times will I have to undergo such pangs of existence? What sort of cruel restraint it is when you feel like dying and are not able to cry for help.

So much have I suffered to say you goodbye (which is like parting with my own self). I just wanted to test whether I really loved? How deep this love was? What strength did it have? I have burnt, have consumed my entire self in the fire of that union.

I am afraid of myself. I am afraid of those experiences, the separation without union, the desertion forever. I don't have capacity to go on like this, when my beloved is away from my field of existence.

O love, if I have truly loved, if I have truly burnt, then please liberate me. Save me, engulf me, my lovely love. I love you too much. I love you so much that I cannot even express it.

The love that I carry is immortal.

Go, but this love will keep me alive and the day will come when this existence will be burnt to ashes at the altar of your being, O my love!

Darkness

Have you ever seen darkness? All impending, trembling, shaking itself?

How to say? how to make you reveal that I have seen - those pangs, the constant struggle through it, the continuous search for a ray of light - which is hope.

I didn't know that cruelty is so cruel. I am going to give up, you hear? - I will! cause, I am not able to muster enough strength for standing here.

Love? you know?- how have I been into this word and after all that what I find is sheer emptiness. Love to whom? for what? If you are you and I am I, how can we love? What does it mean to love?

It is so incomprehensible and I have given up. You hear? - I have given up.

I will be lost dear. O friend! I will be lost and along with that- this friendliness.

Thanks, thanks a lot for letting me cry, holding you my dear.

Watch

O love!-be joyous.

I love you silently. Sweet beauty, you are full of energy. Fly and flow, never to stagnate.

And I will just see you running, will see you playing and dancing unhindered.

Lovely love, I carry your memories and cry alone for reasons unknown.

Who are you? - who has held me in such an unbreakable bond?

I was walking casually

I was walking casually,
Without any hope;
And then I saw you walking too,
I was delighted-at the pleasantness of this surprise,
And to celebrate it-I smiled at you

You smiled at me too,
And I knew - Angles were there in heaven,
Your silence was the rapturous speech,
And your voice - Sweeter than sweet,
Your beautiful expressions - Charming to the hilt

It pulled me and I knew,
It was the bondage - A chain of affection and friendliness woven together,
It is hard for me to express the beauty of this tangle,
Its lurking melancholy and the yearning special,
It is a treasure- an unsung song
I wish to carry it in my heart all along

It gives me the pain of a thrill,
To think of you all the time,
And yet not be able to meet,
But I know!
Our meetings might be rare and short
Yet this friendship will grow by days,
To become deep and strong