A Peek Through Window

He was gazing at the dilapidated building across the flyover through his 5^th floor window. Perhaps decades ago, this would’ve been the bustling Haweli; now in shambles. Among the quietness of its symmetrical piers and the aloofness of its structure; he tried to picture herself with him. How would she look in a traditional Indian dress?  

Jai walked frenetically into his room disturbing his reverie. He asked for his laptop and without looking at him logged himself into Facebook.

What happened to your lappy? And don’t you see I am working?

My lappy is hung and you need a break – ‘Jai’ retorted satirically.

He saw him liking pics, updates and quotes without even reading those. Yaar ye kya? Bina padhe hi tu like mare ja raha hai?

‘Bhai! Saare updates bandiyon ke hain; samajh me aaye, na aaye, achhi ho ya bakwas- Like marna padta hai. Aise hi nahin pat jatin bandiyan’ – Jai said

Hmmm! So this is the secret of your array of female friends? He sighed and just watched ‘Jai’ do all those stuff deftly. He wondered whether he would ever be able to pull this off with such aplomb.

‘Quit playin games with my heart’ ringtone… ..  ‘Heyyyy, Hie- How d’ya?’ putting on his ‘hands free’ Jai walked out of the room.

He was bit startled by Jai’s Dhamaka entry. Jai was his colleague in his engineering company. They used to share the apartment. Despite his occasional rashness, ‘Jai’ was a nice person and a buddy. He went to the window of his room and looked outside. Among the mass of traffic on the flyover, bikes were moving - Guys with their girls. The envelope of excitement and fun in their movement struck him. He imagined himself riding that bike and ‘Anjali’ sitting behind. Was it possible? Could this ever happen?

Only if there was a formula - dating morphed into a complex mathematical equation. He would’ve dived deep to solve it. But how to pierce through her heart - how even to approach this problem called girls.

Jai told him – Beedu!’ Unless you go and talk to girls, flirt with them,  Aasman se nahee tapkegi GF.

Not that he didn’t try but he was shy and added to that his fumbling approach did the disaster. Try to karta hoon yaar, but aise kisi se kya baat karne lagoon? I go and say ‘Hi’ to them with genuine smile. They sometimes ignore; sometimes respond with ‘Hi’ and then it peters out. Koi context to hona chahiye na baat karne ko.

You have to create the context dude! Why don’t you introduce yourself and tell them that you are from IIT? Intelligence is a big turn on for girls. They would fall for it – ‘Jai’ suggested.

How simple was it for ‘Jai’and his ilk? Where did they learn all of that?

Only if there were electives in IIT called love 101. He would’ve taken all the electives in that series. At least these courses were something having direct application in real life. And of course, one could totally relate to it.   

Yaar!!! (He said with slight pain in his voice) – This is not something to be bandied about. I cannot wear it on my sleeve.  

Bhai! Rehne de, tere se na hogi; Just keep on living in your idealistic ivory tower- ‘Jai’said irritatingly.

Was he rigid, idealistic, cut off from the zeitgeist? Or it was something else?

The fact is that IIT trains you in a craft, to be able to identify and solve the most difficult problems in that field. But that’s one part of life. Life is big – like ocean, with many dimensions. How can mastery in one dimension prepare you to sail through it? Each dimension, personal/professional, is to be tackled separately. One cannot make up for another.

It’s not about idealism dude. 

Jai –To fir kya hai? It’s your values, philosophy, fundah blah blah…

Bas mujhe odd lagta hai. I am from IIT – This has something to do with my professional life as a signaling factor in the job market. But, what it has to do with my dating life?  

Jai – The same thing which Swiss bank account has to do with black money or Taliban with world peace or 100 Cr film with good cinema . It’s pointless to argue with you. I am going for my guitar classes.       

He felt exhausted and dejected. It is better to go and take a stroll outside- he thought.

He got down and moved towards the little park outside. A child was carrying his little sister around in the pram while his mom talked on the phone. Some senior citizens were sitting discussing the politics of the day. A labor was resting after morning’s hard work. There was a swirling silence amidst the chitter chatter. It seemed that an Umbrella of light and warmth had been spread over the green lawns.

He looked at the marigold flowers glowing in the afternoon sun. He saw Anjali’s face in it – Her falling hair, her sweet dress and her pose. Tears came to his eyes. What was it? Why was he so helpless? He had come out into the open to run away from this coiled pain. And here it was – embedded into all the freshness around.

He felt the cool November wind swift through his body. He wanted to throw himself away – with the wind, into the light where she was hidden.

तू मुझे बता रहा है?

तू मुझे बता रहा है?

सोचो बहुत,

करो अथक प्रयत्न - सुख के उन दो पलों के लिए,

वो एहसास हाथों से फिर भी फिसला जाता है,

यूँ ही कहीं कभी परन्तु,

शुचिता का एक सरल प्रगाढ़ स्पर्श,

क्षण मात्र में मन रंजन कर देता है,

सुकून के लिए अपनी इन बेहिसाब कोशिशों के बावज़ूद,

जानता हूँ मैं ये, नादान नहीं,

फिर भी,

तू मुझे बता रहा है?

सौंदर्य की जिस प्रतिमा की खोज में हूँ मैं,

वह बाहर नहीं,

आकांक्षाओं के रोमांचक आवेग से प्रद्वेलित,

दिल की खल्वतों में ही कहीं छिपी है,

तमाम चेहरों में उसकी मुसलसर जुस्तजू के बावज़ूद,

जानता हूँ मैं ये, नादान नहीं,

फिर भी,

तू मुझे बता रहा है?

जो दिखता है सामने से,

अक्सर वो होता नहीं है,

कितनी बार गलत समझा गया हूँ,

लेकिन,

सच की चादर ओढने से बेहतर है,

सच को देखना और जीना,

लोगों को इल्म नहीं,

फिर भी सतह से ही,

समंदर की गहराई का अंदाज़ लगा देते हैं,

क्ष्दम मूल्यांकन की तमाम चोटों और अपनी बेबाकी के बावज़ूद,

जानता हूँ मैं ये, नादान नहीं,

फिर भी,

तू मुझे बता रहा है?

कितने अनुभव – कुछ रंज के, कुछ रंच के,

कितने दृश्य- कुछ प्रत्यक्ष, कुछ परोक्ष,

कितनी बातें – कुछ बोली, कुछ अनबोली,

कहता नहीं, लिखता हूँ,

ताकि सब कुछ कह सकूं,

मेरी ख़ामोशी पर मेरी कमज़ोरी समझी जाती है,

उन सारे अनकहे किस्सों को लिखने के बावज़ूद,

जानता हूँ मैं ये, नादान नहीं,

फिर भी,

तू मुझे बता रहा है?

क्या रखा इन बातों में, ले लो अपने हाथों में

क्या रखा इन बातों में, ले लो अपने हाथों में|

दूर कहीं मरीचिका की भांति,

आशा की कोई किरण न आती,

संघर्षों के कंटक पथ पर,

पदचापें जब मंद हो जातीं,

गंतव्य को ध्यान में रख तब,

अप्रतिम उत्साह में भर,

दृढ संकल्पित बोलो तुम,

क्या रखा इन बातों में, ले लो अपने हाथों में|

अथक प्रयास करके तुम,

सम्पादित करते अपना काम,

मदद करते साथियों की,

आगे बढ़ता जिससे काम,

अवसर आता जब मूल्यांकन का,

पीछे रहता तुम्हारा नाम,

नीति नियमों की आड़ में,

भेदभाव के इस नग्न खेल से- अप्रतिहत,

तुम करते विश्वास,

प्रतिभा एवं लगन की अंततः,

होती नहीं कभी भी हार,

सतत सीख की स्वच्छ प्रवृत्ति से प्रेरित तब,

बोलो तुम,

क्या रखा इन बातों में, ले लो अपने हाथों में|

आकर्षण के पाशबद्ध,

भावों की गहराई से तुम,

जब प्रणय निवेदन करते हो,

प्रेयसी उसको खेल समझकर,

निर्दयता से करती मर्दन,

कोमल भावों की पीड़ा से तब,

विचलित होता अंतर्मन,

सुकुमार स्वप्नों की शय्या पर तब,

सौंदर्यसिक्त ह्रदय के मधुर कंठ से,

बोलो तुम,

क्या रखा इन बातों में, ले लो अपने हाथों में|

Faith

When you wish,

To reach a state,

To get something,

And to be somebody.

Considering your desire is just and natural,

You make an effort.

What if you are not lucky?

Not that luck by itself endows something,

But you fail- Even if you try,

And try sincerely.

You feel frustrated,

Not so much by dauntiness of the task in hand,

But by your own incapacity,

To orchestrate the result.

In those trying times,

Motivating yourself,

Regaining lost strength,

You rear your head,

Determined to be pushing and moving ahead.

In those circumstances,

You get guided by your beliefs,

Certain principles of life,

Which you deem dear and true.

What if your beliefs are belied,

And you still don’t succeed,

You fail again,

And don’t know,

What to do now?

Where to go?

You have reached limit then,

Angry and frustrated,

And most of all- Deeply hurt,

With yourself,

And with quirkiness of truth.

You are then unable to move,

And you get ripped apart,

When you think of the inverted logic,

The plain unjustness and bizarre ways of the visible world.

At that point my friend,

When you are about to sink in the ocean of difficulties,

There is a ray of light,

Which you see,

When you loose everything and surrender.

It brings with it a renewed spirit,

And inexhaustible energy to go ahead,

To try and to act,

For the sheer pleasure of it all.

That light,

That inexplicable motivation,

That indescribable feeling is,

What we call ‘Faith’.

Spring

Spring passes by me,

Glowing its light,

Spreading its aroma,

But the sight of you,

Smiling freshly and charmingly,

Brightens the light of the spring,

And scents its aroma!