I was walking casually

I was walking casually,
Without any hope;
And then I saw you walking too,
I was delighted-at the pleasantness of this surprise,
And to celebrate it-I smiled at you

You smiled at me too,
And I knew - Angles were there in heaven,
Your silence was the rapturous speech,
And your voice - Sweeter than sweet,
Your beautiful expressions - Charming to the hilt

It pulled me and I knew,
It was the bondage - A chain of affection and friendliness woven together,
It is hard for me to express the beauty of this tangle,
Its lurking melancholy and the yearning special,
It is a treasure- an unsung song
I wish to carry it in my heart all along

It gives me the pain of a thrill,
To think of you all the time,
And yet not be able to meet,
But I know!
Our meetings might be rare and short
Yet this friendship will grow by days,
To become deep and strong

The Scenery

In the vast expanse of horizon,
where beauty resides with joy and light,
I could see you and there was peace.

There was me and standing in front of me the Sun,
and enveloping both of us-your luscious charm,
your memory was the pain and my tears the music,
a delight of solemnity, a lullaby for sleep.

Dear! it's all right and I have understood,
that love asks for boundless patience,
an indomitable spirit and
the punishment of lifelong separation,

The desire to be near you and to clasp you in arms,
like the flight of the birds,
would be dancing in the air,
making me yearn for you,
day after day, Forever!

क्या यही प्यार है?

"देखा तो मेरा साया भी मुझसे जुदा मिला",
ऐ तन्वि! पार्थक्य का यही भाव व्यक्ति को उसके व्यक्तित्व से विलग कर देता है.

"सोचा तो हर किसी में मेरा सिलसिला मिला",
संबंधन की यही प्रक्रिया समष्टि की विशिष्ट चेतना की जननी है.

एक दूसरे से कितने विभिन्न होते हुए भी हम सभी में अग-जग प्रतिध्वनित, मानवता की अदृश्य वीणा से झंकृत नाद अनुगूंजित होता है. इस व्यापक सम्बन्ध को क्या नाम दें? किसी शिशु का निर्दोष स्मित यदि किसी को आह्लादित करता है, तो यह क्या है? किसी विषन्न (grieved) मानव को देखकर यदि व्यक्ति के ह्रदय में करुणा जनित होती है तो यह क्या है?

ये सारे व्यापर उसी व्यापक सम्बन्ध के प्रदर्शन हैं. मेरे अनुसार प्यार कोई भाव नहीं, प्यार कोई कला नहीं, प्यार कोई आदर्श भी नहीं, वरन प्यार इन सब कारकों का कारण है. इंसान की सारी कोशिशें प्यार से शुरू होकर प्यार पर समाप्त हो जाती हैं. इसलिए प्यार को रिश्तों के दायरे में कैद नहीं किया जा सकता. यदि मुझमे मानवीय संबंधो को समझ सकने की सकत है, तो मैं unhesitatingly कहता हूँ कि मानव से मानव के इसी व्यापक सम्बन्ध को प्यार कहते हैं.

किसी के ह्रदय में निमज्जित भावों का प्रभंजन यदि उसे सृष्टि में विवृत सौंदर्य का दर्शन सादगी की एक प्रतिमूर्ति में करा दे तो इसे क्या कहेंगे? शायद लोग इसे एक distracted person का cheap sentimentalism कहें, पर मेरी विचारणा तो यही कहती है कि सौंदर्य की मृदुलता सादगी की स्निग्धता में ही दृष्टव्य है.

हाँ, यदि कोई चारुस्मित किसी के messages पर एक उपेक्षा भरी दृष्टि डालकर उसे ignore कर दे तो इसे सौंदर्य की क्रूरता नहीं कहें तो क्या कहें? यदि अपनी केशों की लटों में से झाँककर कोई किसी का चुपके से दीदार कर ले तो इसे उस रमणी का चातुर्य नहीं कहें तो क्या कहें? झुकी हुई तिरछी नज़रों से यदि कोई किसी को प्रताडित करे तो उस संवेदंविहिना को क्या सजा दें?

इसकी सजा तो यही हो सकती है कि वह चारुस्मित सौंदर्य की तृषा से आकुल, प्रेम के याचक की प्रेरणा बन जाये.

सौंदर्य का दर्शन

भावनाओं के वर्तुलाकार वातचक्र में सौंदर्य को सीमित करना या सौंदर्य के अथाह सागर में भावनाओं की थाह लेना? सौंदर्य की पवित्रता में स्वयं का शुद्धिकरण या सौदर्य के संकीर्ण दर्शन का पवित्रता की स्गिन्धता से प्रक्षालन? यदि सौंदर्य व्यापक, सर्वव्याप्त है, आनंद का जनक है, तब इसका उदबोध सृष्टि के विशिष्ट पदार्थों में ही क्यूँ? चाहें वे विशिष्ट पदार्थ अपनी -अपनी विशिष्टता में कितनी ही समानता रखते हों और जिन मानदंडों पर उनकी विशिष्टता स्थापित हो, वे मानदंड कितने ही objective क्यों न हों?

यदि सौंदर्य संकेंद्रित नहीं तो क्यूँ इसकी तीव्रता स्थानीय व सामयिक है? क्या मोह का उदभिद सौंदर्य के एकपक्षीय दृष्टिकोण से संभूत, सीमित दृष्टि से पल्लवित होता है? तब सौंदर्य को समग्र रूप में उसकी उद्धत धारा के हिल्लोलों से उच्छलित व उनके मूल में सतत प्रवाहमान, अनंत गति का अनुशीलन करने वाली असीम आनंद की वाहक अवलोकमान दृष्टि कैसे प्रदान की जाए?

तुम सौंदर्य की सर्वमान्य, सुप्रतिष्ठित प्रतिमूर्ति नहीं, तदैव तुममें निहित आनंद कोष की रूप-राशि का कौन सा भाव मुझे इस अवश आकर्षण में पाशबद्ध किये है?

ऐ-हुस्न-ए-बेपरवाह! क्या तुम्हें स्वयं अपनी सौंदर्य की विशिष्टता का बोध है?

चिंतन

संगीत-एक अनन्य भावबोध!
यथार्थ की परिकल्पना या अंतर्मन की अनपहचानी वेदना,
रचना - शब्दों का क्रमचय -संचय, भावों की उधेड़बुन!
शब्दों का भाव पर अधिपत्य या,
भावों का शब्दों की भूमि पर उन्मुक्त प्रवाह,
स्मृति-एक पुरातन भावमय बिम्ब!
अतीत की पुनर्रचना या
वर्तमान की पीठिका पर भूत का प्रत्यावलोकन?

टूटना

टूटे हैं ,
लेकिन बने भी हैं हम,
भले ही वो बनना,
टूटकर जुड़ने की पुनर्प्रक्रिया क्यों न हो

संवेदनाएं

पीडा की बोझिलता या
अनुभूतियों की उलझी गाँठ
भावनाओं की व्यंजकता या
गलित होता स्व?
संवेदनाओं की दुरुह्ताओं का
आशय कोई कैसे समझे?

Separation

If you are gone, why should I live?

It is so repulsive that I could not even think of separation from you. I am scared.

Separated from you, I try to live in a reclusive exile from your memories, but in vain.

Perhaps you couldn't understand me or I couldn't express myself.

There was only this choking, suffocating scrupulous silence to keep us at distance.

Now you are gone without knowing that I kept on and on and on thinking about you and still do so.

And I am here without any desire-yet longing for your affection, without any hope-yet hoping to meet you one day, without any aspirations-yet aspiring to be your eternal lover.

Inspiration

O love! I love you,
Let my thoughts be pure and undisturbed,
let me be always attentive,
let me hold myself peacefully, effortlessly,

O beauty personified! Flow-
melt and flow,
let there be no restraint, no obstacle in the flow of such flow,

O innocence & piety!
why are you so sweet?
even anger, all aggression gets beautified under your charm,

Be always such, O sweetness!
be always so lovely, so capturing,
always inspiring to enthrall.

Helplessness

I didn't know that beauty had that power to capture (fearless-courageous) innocence, trust and enthusiasm altogether. So, when I perceived it, I remained mute! What else could I do? Though I wanted to be an active player, yet preferred to be a silent witness because it demanded a consciousness which should always be grounded in the self.

Thus, as pure, pious beautiful love shined, I could see its glow but not feel its warmth; could smell its fragrance but not touch it; could float over the surface but not drown in its ocean.

मंजिल

मेरी कश्ती थी मझधार में,
मंजिल का पता न था,
सर्द हवाओं के थपेडों ने,
जिस ओर धकेला मै चला गया,
ज़ुल्मत-ए-शब में दफातन
नूर दिखा तेरे चिराग-ए-दिल का,
दिल की कोयल ने मुझसे कहा,
तेरी मंजिल-ए-सहर यही है,
हवाएं भी रुख बदलेंगी,
नूर-ए-आफताब न हुआ तो क्या हुआ?
चिराग-ए-दिल तो जल गए!

अज्ञात सी तड़पन

मैंने कब कहा कि लौकिक प्रेम ही लक्ष्य है?
वह एकमात्र सत्य भी नहीं, वास्तविकता भी नहीं,
फिर इस अज्ञात सी तड़पन का प्रयोजन क्या है?
इश्क हबीबी निरा दीवानापन है? या इश्क हकीकी की प्रतिच्छाया?
जुस्तजू मुझे उस विशिष्ट प्रियतम की है,
या अपने ही अनजाने वजूद की ?
जो न जाने कहाँ कहाँ बिखरा पड़ा है!
यदि क्षड़ की वास्तविकता ही सत्य है?
तो क्या यह टीस,
अपना सा कुछ खो जाने का दर्द स्वप्न मात्र है?
कैसी अनबूझी पहेली है ये,
मेरी ज़िन्दगी,
इससे ज्यादा और मै सह नहीं सकता,
क्या कहूं?
अब और कुछ कह नहीं सकता,
मेरा निजी सत्य तो यही है,
ऐ मेरी कोयल,
तेरे बिन अब मै जी नहीं सकता

Knot

You are there
In all the beauty which unnerves me,
You are the laughter and the pain of dazzle of proximity,
Love! you are intelligence personified,
O koyal, I am tied and twisted in this unbreakable bond,
Who else but you would free me by
Tying the life long knot.

Charm

It is tough not to complain
When you get hurt,
What to do? When the pain is so diffused inside you
And the source of the pain so beautiful and charming.

Colours were colourful when,
The sweetness of your being enveloped it,
It was light! It was strength!
It was all which could cripple me in mesmerization.

It is tough to acknowledge that beauty could be so cruel,
How could I forget you,
When the pain of your memory is an indivisible part of myself.

It is tough not to be dazzled by
All of what you are,
To not to desire you is to deny oneself one’s existence,
How would I live? O nature’s mystery!
Am I living? Or this is what is called death?
When I love it, all of it- deeply, madly, shyly
And yet am unable to even look at the fullness of its charm?

कौन हो तुम?

तुम एक सिहरन, एक अनुभूति, एक दीप्ति हो,
तुम्हारी याद श्वासों में विलयित मेरे अस्तित्व का अभिन्न अंग,
तुम्हारी गुंजायमान कुसुमित हंसी मेरे मन का मधुर संगीत,
तुम्हारी अदायगी,एक जादूगरनी का चुम्बकीय सम्मोहन
तुम एक मानवी हो, एक कृति या जीवनी शक्ति?
सर्वत्र विद्यमान, प्रकाशमान, गतिमान तुम्हारा सौंदर्य,
क्या सूर्य तुम्हारे ही तेज से आलोकित है?
क्या चाँद तुम्हारी ही शीतलता से सिक्त है?
कितना अभिभूत और असहाय हूँ मैं तुम्हारी,
इस आकर्षक, ओजस्वित, रागमय सौंदर्य के सम्मुख
ऐ प्रिय - अधुरा हूँ मै तुम बिन,
परन्तु भावों के उधेड़बुन में किन्कर्त्व्यविमूध मै,
तुम्हारा आलिंगन करू? या तुम्हारा वंदन?

Smile

If one smile can enliven my hope of life, why not preserve it and keep on getting food of life that is love from it. Why not store the remembrances of glistening presence of your momentary existence (in my life). How much stress, how much pressure is there in dwindling back and forth between the passion of living in the surrounding of your exuberance with all its freshness and warmth and the silence of solemnity of this pacifying love that radiates and flows smoothly ever from your being.

Loss

You have gone out of my life and here I am struggling to live without your fragrance. Though your presence presents itself in so many forms yet, I am unable to capture the whole you- that is the essence of my being. In so often pity moments of my life I seek the meaning and reason of living and you not so often soothe me by your flashing existence. I am dazzled not by my weary existence, not by your momentary presence, but by this hiatus between being and not being which is so breaking, so lingering that it continuously kills me bit by bit.

Expression

You think otherwise if the love that I myself cannot comprehend, expresses itself in Bizarre ways. How can one utter love? Still fear of not being loved tears me. I don't know how to reveal the difference between what it is and what it appears to be. Each and every drop of my blood carries your love. Engulf me love, I am too fragile to be left in lurch.

Your Presence

Stillness- of wildness of nature,
I am sitting in its lap,
Yet untouched by its seducing charm
A wave comes and instigates the memory of you, the lady,
I am pained by the sweetness of this beautiful remembrance
The leaves sparkle in the light of the gold,
Is it the Sun or light of your presence?
The golden greenery adorns the surface of silvery water,
The currents in the lake dancing slowly and shamelessly,
Soothe the tired bones of my psyche,
Is it the calmness of lake or the relaxation of your presence?
I am energized, shaken and dazzled,
Is it the reality or mere my perception?
That whatever worthwhile and meaningful is there in this world,
Is explained and given life to,
Only by your beautiful presence.

The Journey

The challenges are plenty &
the hindrances indomitable,
In the hope of discovery of one more second,
one goes on living and living,
may be something might just come
and soothe my nerves or
the journey would go on as meaninglessly as it was.

Pain is the only happiness

Pain is the only happiness I know,
Flowing on the rhythm ,
that is timelessness and memory of beauty woven together,
I feel the hollowness of incompleteness.

Never could I know the meaning of daily living,
It’s a contract signed to unknown entity,
Which, like a bonded labour,
I cann’t break.

Softness on its bed of pulsating waves,
Penetrates the bones of my body with the beats of melody,
I suffuse it with the anguish of my entire being
Creating music of writhing pain.

I am my own child,
Loving, nourishing, kicking and caring myself,
It’s an arduous task,
To know and understand everything,
And yet not be able to act.

Friend!( if there is any), Can I ask you something?
pain, incapacity and hopelessness might be universally present,
but could you please ask them not to trouble me anymore?

Who you are?

Who knows whether I have lost you or not,
The truth is that I am deeply touched,
You have entered into the depth of my being,
Why did you do so?

When have I said that life is a bed of roses?
Neither have I only looked at flowers alone.
But tell me, should thorns be the only reality
Of life? the big complex battle with the self and surrounding?

Know that you are special,
You are there in the elegance of the beautifully dressed
Escort of the bride,
You are there in the dance of a smiling inviting charm,

Know that you are not ordinary,
You are not even extraordinary,
How can I say what you are?
Cause, if I could explain and define you,
I could define my self
And all that is beautiful and worth admiring
In this world.

When the wind is against me

When the wind is against me,
I feel the pain, but i don't want wind to be as per my whims,
let it blow wherever it blows,
blessed are they who don't writhe in pain,
the nature hates me, my own people hate me,
I won't say anything,
let this pain crush me.

Life has been full of excruciating pain,
i could never really know,
what i wanted,
what is the use of rain when the crops are ripe?

I could never give happiness to others,
they were my own people,
they wanted a simple happy life,
i didn't know what to want.
I gave them my pain,
they could never love me for that.

This too is gone,
which has again torn me,
i am a playground for god's experiments,
played upon and upon.

Lucky are those,
who have got the flower,
the cuckoo, the love, the abundance of rainy shower,
they are blessed truly,
i am bound to think,
i never knew what to get,
but always missed what i didn't have